As I mentioned in my previous post about limitations, I began to loose that confidence and determination as I grew up. Slowly I began to let other thoughts of not being good enough, anger, stubbornness, lack of confidence, and fear, limit my potential. As time went on I began settling. I didn’t know it then, had no idea actually. But as I have grown over the past two years, I know that I was my own worst enemy.
Don’t get me wrong, my childhood wasn’t horrible but I did have some issues in my day-to-day life of relationships with my parents, more specifically my dad. I now know, I allowed (without knowing it) him to have power over my thoughts. I allowed the relationship between him and I, or should I say the lack of a relationship, define how I felt about others. It affected my daily choices.
It was what kept me from making connections with people. It is what made me keep a wall up so I wouldn’t get hurt. It is why I was uncomfortable around men. That is where my victim mentality came from. As a result, I was afraid of men, intimidated by them, and had major anxiety talking to men. At all costs, I kept my distance from men.
For the record, my dad, is not to blame. He did the best he knew with the knowledge and tools he had. He had a pretty bad childhood himself, so I know mine was better than his. We just clashed, I pushed his buttons even though I was afraid of him. He had a bad temper, and threw off the balance in our home, when he was home (which fortunately for me he wasn’t home much). Again, my dad did the best he could, and I reacted the only way I new how too with the lack of knowledge and tools that I had.
It was that experience growing up, that defined who I once was. It wasn’t until I myself slowly grew more confident that the fear of men left. It was with me up until my early 20’s. Even though the fear of men left, I was still stuck in that mindset that began from an early age. That way of thinking, has caused a lot of grief in my life. A lot of grief. It led to more severe anxiety’s, arguments with my husband, and a prison that I had no idea how to get out of.
I now know without a shadow of a doubt, the story I tell myself is very different. I have escaped my prison. I am confident, I do make lasting friendships, I am not a victim. I can talk to men without fear, and on and on and on.
This process of changing my mind, or as I like to say renewing my mind, has been a journey. Constantly feeding my mind what I want my mind to think about, which a lot of times is the exact opposite of what I really thought. It was a slow and sometimes painful process. It took commitment on my part. Even in those times that I didn’t feel like it, I made sure I renewed my mind.
In Network Marketing we call them daily affirmations. So I began telling myself every day OUT LOUD what I wanted to be, who I wanted to be. Who I wanted to attract. This was just one of the tools I learned as this process of renewing my mind began. Other tools I used and still use, will be revealed in later posts.
Some of my affirmations I would say are: I am confident, I am successful, I am a network marketing professional, I attract other confident people. I actually have 100 affirmations written down. While I don’t say them every day, there was a time when I would say a minimum of 10 affirmations three times a day. When I first woke up, around lunch time, and before bed. Every time I said them it was out loud.
In the moment of doing them, I never thought they had any effect on me. It would have been very easy for me not to do them at all. Especially since it kind of seemed silly to be saying these statements as if I already am all of those things, but not really believing it.
However, I stayed committed to my affirmations, because I emulated what other successful people that I work with do. So this process of saying affirmations each day continued without no real change seeming to manifest. But it’s because the renewing of your mind is a slow process, one where you must change your subconscious thoughts first.
Over time, I slowly began to actually believe the affirmations I told myself. I began to have a shift in my thinking, it was gradual, but there was a shift. Now while I still say my affirmations, I rely more heavily on other ways to renew my mind. In light of all this, I am no longer in that prison I spoke about, I no longer believe the story I once told myself about who I was. I now believe all my affirmations and so much more.
The Beginning of Change Comes With 4 Simple Steps:
This is just the beginning of change. It’s not a one size fits all, but it fits me.
1. What’s really important to you. This is where you realize there is more to your life, if you want more. If you have the desire to change. Whether it’s paying off debt, more freedom in your daily life, daily choices, your own business, going back to school.
2. Going after it. At all costs, go after what is important to you. Once you know what’s important, go after it. Don’t quit. Don’t let other’s stand in your way. Go after what is important to you.
3. Awareness. You must ask yourself some serious and maybe even difficult questions. Who am I? Who do I say I am? What do I say I can do? What do I say I can’t do? Write the answers down. Also this awareness, will be a process in itself, as you choose to grow and gather more tools and acquire new knowledge.
4. Aaaahaaa. Realizing that the story you tell yourself in step 3 may be what is holding you back from realizing what is most important. Limiting you from being able to go after it. Keeping you from being successful while you are going after it.
Success IS a mindset. If you are not finding success in what you are doing, make sure you ask yourself what you really think about yourself. You may be shocked to realize who you say you are your thoughts about what you want to do are limiting your own success.
Eric & Tanya K.
Dedicated to changing lives one person at a time.